under Secret Stories, Written on April 1, 2011

Several weeks have now past since the conference and just wanted to let you know how my life has changed. I had wrote to you after the conference about my battle. It started the day after. I could not believe all the things that had been loading me down: physical, sexual and mental abuse from my childhood serviced along with the continual abuse in my first marriage, abandonment of my parents through divorce and alcohol abuse and the death of my son.


Through the participation on my part of the conference I let it all out. I truly didn’t know all this “junk in my trunk” was having such a stronghold on me. I was angry with God and asked him question after question,while crying and sometimes raising my voice at him.

When I went to church on the Sunday after the conference I did not want to be there period. I did not want to praise him let along sing in joy. I stuffed my hands in my pockets so as not to lift my hands in praise. I actually left and walked out and got a cup of coffee. As pastor gave the sermon I had a question for almost everything he was talking to us about:

  • where is my passion?
  • am I part of what God is doing here on earth?
  • how does God speak to me?
  • how does he show me the direction to go?
  • do I trust God?
  • am I doing what God has called me to do?
  • where is my faith?
  • value?
  • how does God want me to respond?
  • what is my focus?
  • what am I battling?
  • what am I dealing with?

These are just a few of the questions I wrote down during the sermon:

  • Nothing is impossible for God
  • Peace in life comes from the prince of peace
  • Where is my rest and peace?

As the day progressed on Sunday God took me on a journey of healing. Healing all those wounds and pain. Healing!!!! I was on 3 different anti-depressents and multiple pain relief meds for my RA, OA, and fibromyalgia.

No more pain! No more pills! Amen brother! Amen! The names I had wrote down was in a round about way, the long way to lead me to my identidy….VICTIM.

Funny I Never seen myself as a VICTIM.

My Secret Name is El-Nathan-N’Qamah…Defended from Isaiah 25:4

You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat. For the breath of the ruthless is like a storm driving against a wall

I am very grateful that God placed this conference on your heart. I am so FREE! I had to shout it out loud outside with my hands lifted God Loves Me!!

God Loves Me!!

How freeing.

I am sharing this conference with many and I am sitting down with my Pastor next Wednesday to share this conference and how it has forever changed my life and understanding of who I am in Christ.

God Bless You Brother