burdened

under Secret Stories, Written on March 7, 2012

Thanks for such a wonderful conference yesterday. I wanted to tell you what happened overnight.

In the middle of the night, I awakened and saw this image of me with a large black garbage bag. I was holding onto it with both hands and it was swung over my shoulder and it forced me to walk in an uncomfortable way because it was so heavy. It was resting on my lower back. What I did NOT tell you at the conference was that for some reason, my lower back was hurting…I had not done anything specific in the last few days to cause it, nor have I ever had an injury in that area. But since about Thursday, it had been hurting.

God revealed that I was carrying all of these false names, and it was causing me to feel like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. But these were not mine to carry. I strongly felt like I was supposed to spend this afternoon and evening going through all of my given names one by one (I wrote down about 50), and repenting of them, renouncing and rebuking, and replacing.  I wrote each name on a post-it note, put them in a pile next to me, and picked them one at a time and put it on like a name tag, like we did at the conference. I tried to remember the first time that name was assigned, and get in touch with the feelings associated with it. I then prayed for Jesus to come into the memory and heal it. Then, I took the name tag off and put it on the cross.

I did a few at a time and then took a break…partly because of the time they take and partly because of the emotional intensity.God is doing a deep healing work and I wanted to give it the time and space I needed to. It’s not as though these names were given to me a week ago…they’ve been here decades in many cases.

I finished it last night, and then took all of the names off the cross and lit a fire. One at a time, I looked at the names again as I threw them into the fireplace. I said aloud, “This is no longer my name.” God gave me my Secret Name, which is “Mine.” For the last few years I have been drawn to Isaiah 43, and I now understand why. “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name…you are MINE.”

My lower back pain is completely gone, and I as I threw the last name into the fire I saw an image of chains falling off my body. I now am beginning to walk in my new name. It is taking some getting used to…sort of like breaking in a new pair of shoes. The enemy certainly is trying hard to convince me that I am not free, and that all of these old given names define me. But they don’t. I belong to God. I am His.

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