outcast
under Secret Stories, Written on February 8, 2011I spent my whole life looking for something, not knowing what it was. That elusive ‘thing’ or ‘state of being’ always seemed just out of my reach. Every time I thought I had been close to capturing it, it eluded me once more. Every attempt to ‘do the right thing’ left me empty. Empty until now.
I became a Christian over 25 years ago and I know that was the most important decision I will ever make. I knew I had been saved. I had a new found faith and the Bible suddenly became so alive and real. God has moved in my life, bringing healing, deliverance and hope. But I was still searching for that one thing that eluded me…even though I could not put a name to it.
Then a couple of weeks back I became aware of the book ‘Your Secret Name’. I was drawn to it. I can’t remember how I first came to know about it. I just knew I had to read it. At the same time I was about to purchase another book, ‘Called to Conquer’, which spoke of finding ones’ calling. As I had to order ‘Your Secret Name’, I decided to read ‘Called to Conquer’ first.
Upon reading ‘Called to Conquer’, I was left with more questions than answers. Trust me when I say, that was a good thing! Soon after finishing that book, my copy of ‘Your Secret Name’ arrived and I got straight into it, devouring it page by page, hardly being able to put it down. It seemed to carry on the theme of the previous book, which I thought was quite amazing. I came to the end of reading ‘Your Secret Name’ felling a little distraught. I still hadn’t found the answer I was looking for, though I knew the book had nudged me in the right direction.
As I neared the end of the book the website was mentioned and I thought to myself, “It ain’t over yet!” I proceeded to navigate the website, completing the test with little satisfaction. Then I decided to have a look at the stories. That’s when it all began. I read of one woman’s journey to finding her secret name that had me glued to the page till I had finished reading.
The title she had chosen was one I identified with, having been there myself. As I ventured into the depths of her story I also identified with the names she had known. As my eyes began to well up with tears, I realised God was in this big time. My God had not forgotten me after all. And though I didn’t find identity in the same secret name, I knew that I was closer than ever to finding my own.
As I pondered my recent experience, I sensed God placing these words on my heart, “From rejection to acceptance”. I knew these words were either the title of a book or something to do with it’s theme, so I began some research. I found the name of the book and set about purchasing it.
While in the bookstore, I became quite concerned – to the state of feeling let down, because I could not find the book. After some time the shop keeper came over asking if they could help me find something. I responded with a resounding “Yes!” and they proceeded to show me a shelf where all the books by the author I was seeking were arranged.
As soon as I set eyes on the shelf, the book I sought stood right before me. I picked it up and staring at the cover read these words:
“To the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the beloved”. (Ephesians 1:6 NKJV Emphasis added).
The word ACCEPTED hit me right between the eyes. THAT was my secret name! I knew that I was accepted by God, but wondered why this seemed to be so significant. I read the book cover to cover expecting God to speak to me.
Not until the very end of the book did God speak volumes. There I found a prayer of commitment. This spoke not only of God’s acceptance, but of accepting myself the way He made me. It was at this point that I realised I had believed all the lies – the names I had been given: REJECTED, OUTCAST, UGLY, FAILURE, to name a few. I had accepted God and believed that He had accepted me, but I had yet to accept myself.
That was the missing piece in the puzzle. No wonder I had no peace. Everything seemed to converge at this point. My past and all I’ve been through now made sense. Having chosen to accept myself as God does, I can now move on into the promises and future He has for me.
As He has done for me, I pray He will do for you. So please, don’t ever give up – God will never give up on you!