Posts Tagged ‘outcast’


under Secret Stories, Written on February 8, 2011

I spent my whole life looking for something, not knowing what it was. That elusive ‘thing’ or  ‘state of being’ always seemed just out of my reach. Every time I thought I had been close to capturing it, it eluded me once more. Every attempt to ‘do the right thing’ left me empty. Empty until now.

I became a Christian over 25 years ago and I know that was the most important decision I will ever make. I knew I had been saved. I had a new found faith and the Bible suddenly became so alive and real. God has moved in my life, bringing healing, deliverance and hope. But I was still searching for that one thing that eluded me…even though I could not put a name to it.

Then a couple of weeks back I became aware of the book ‘Your Secret Name’. I was drawn to it. I can’t remember how I first came to know about it. I just knew I had to read it. At the same time I was about to purchase another book, ‘Called to Conquer’, which spoke of finding ones’ calling. As I had to order ‘Your Secret Name’, I decided to read ‘Called to Conquer’ first.

Upon reading ‘Called to Conquer’, I was left with more questions than answers. Trust me when I say, that was a good thing! Soon after finishing that book, my copy of ‘Your Secret Name’ arrived and I got straight into it, devouring it page by page, hardly being able to put it down. It seemed to carry on the theme of the previous book, which I thought was quite amazing. I came to the end of reading ‘Your Secret Name’ felling a little distraught. I still hadn’t found the answer I was looking for, though I knew the book had nudged me in the right direction.

As I neared the end of the book the website was mentioned and I thought to myself, “It ain’t over yet!” I proceeded to navigate the website, completing the test with little satisfaction. Then I decided to have a look at the stories. That’s when it all began. I read of one woman’s journey to finding her secret name that had me glued to the page till I had finished reading.

The title she had chosen was one I identified with, having been there myself. As I ventured into the depths of her story I also identified with the names she had known. As my eyes began to well up with tears, I realised God was in this big time. My God had not forgotten me after all. And though I didn’t find identity in the same secret name, I knew that I was closer than ever to finding my own.

As I pondered my recent experience, I sensed God placing these words on my heart, “From rejection to acceptance”. I knew these words were either the title of a book or something to do with it’s theme, so I began some research. I found the name of the book and set about purchasing it.

While in the bookstore, I became quite concerned – to the state of feeling let down, because I could not find the book. After some time the shop keeper came over asking if they could help me find something. I responded with a resounding “Yes!” and they proceeded to show me a shelf where all the books by the author I was seeking were arranged.

As soon as I set eyes on the shelf, the book I sought stood right before me. I picked it up and staring at the cover read these words:

“To the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the beloved”. (Ephesians 1:6 NKJV Emphasis added).

The word ACCEPTED hit me right between the eyes. THAT was my secret name!  I knew that I was accepted by God, but wondered why this seemed to be so significant. I read the book cover to cover expecting God to speak to me.

Not until the very end of the book did God speak volumes. There I found a prayer of commitment. This spoke not only of God’s acceptance, but of accepting myself the way He made me. It was at this point that I realised I had believed all the lies – the names I had been given: REJECTED, OUTCAST, UGLY, FAILURE, to name a few. I had accepted God and believed that He had accepted me, but I had yet to accept myself.

That was the missing piece in the puzzle. No wonder I had no peace. Everything seemed to converge at this point. My past and all I’ve been through now made sense. Having chosen to accept myself as God does, I can now move on into the promises and future He has for me.

As He has done for me, I pray He will do for you. So please, don’t ever give up – God will never give up on you!