I was aborted by a saline infusion abortion in 1977.

However, that attempt failed at ending my life, and instead of being born dead, I was born alive on the 5th day of the abortion procedure (yes, this is an absolutely true story…feel free to visit my website to see pieces of my medical records).

Although I was initially left for dead, the nurses and doctors quickly realized that I was alive, and they provided me with the medical care needed to sustain my life.  Although I struggled with respiratory distress, seizures, jaundice, and required multiple blood transfusions and feeding through an intravenous line in my head, I was wanted.

My adoptive parents opened their hearts and their home to me, knowing full well that they were taking a chance on adopting a little girl who would probably not live for very long, and if I did survive, would more than likely be disabled.  Knowing this did not deter them.  They loved me, unconditionally, and it was their love, and the love of the doctors and nurses who cared for me that helped me to not only survive after that failed abortion attempt, but thrive.

I may have been an “accident” (given name) to my biological parents, who were young college students at the time, but by the grace of God, my life took on new meaning.

It wasn’t until I was 14 years old that I found out the truth about my life, that I wasn’t simply given the beautiful gift of an adoption plan by my biological parents, but I had been aborted first.  Certainly, it was God’s plan for my life that I am who I am, but I struggled with it for many years.

All of the given names of “aborted child,” “unwanted,” “unloved,” “accident,” “just a blob of tissue,” “choice,” “replaceable,” all took a toll on me from age 14 on.  As much as I loved God, and knew He loved me and saved me for great purposes, I was burdened by the given names and fell silent to the world around me.  I tried hard to excel in every other part of my life, in order to avoid facing the one true thing that the Lord saved me to do–share the Gospel of truth about abortion and about Him with the world.

It wasn’t until I wrestled with God over those years and finally accepted who I am and who He truly is to me that I was able to fully received my Secret Name, embrace it, and live it out fully in the world through Him.

I am now an international pro-life and Christian speaker, a Christian counselor, and most importantly, a mother.  I am so grateful to the Lord for not only saving my life, but allowing me to wrestle with Him long enough to learn my name and be prepared for the fights that I fight in the world today.

I am no longer an “accident,”  I am WONDERFULLY MADE! This book helped to solidify for me that I am who I am, and I am doing exactly what it is that He intended for me to do.  Thanks for the great book, Kary!

An original poem from a YOUR SECRET NAME event at Moody Bible Institute.

One night when my daughter Jillian was feeling down, because it looked bleak for plans about college, I told her to go to the “Your Secret Name” website and take the quiz. She took it and discovered her new name could be “Counselor.”

Tears of joy fell from her eyes and she felt a peace in her spirit, that God will not forsake her, nor her dream! Jillian is a freshman at MVNU, majoring In psychology, to become a “Counselor!!!

Every once in a while you read a book, and you just know that your life will never be the same. It feels like a personal message, meant just for you. And it becomes more than a book: it’s an experience. I’d like to share my experience with you.

Each of us, whether consciously or unconsciously, is seeking our purpose in life – our identity. We want to know who we are and why our life matters in the grand scheme of things. As we go through life, we are given labels or Given Names that describe how others see us; and then we often spend the rest of our lives trying to live up to or to live down those names. But God has a Secret Name for each of us, a name that describes how He, our Creator, see us. Discovering our Secret Name is a journey that leads us to a deeper relationship with God and the beginning of truly understanding His plan for us.

As author Kary Oberbrunner compared his journey to finding his Secret Name with the story of Jacob in the book of Genesis, I could not help but see similarities in my own life and realize I’d spent too long “playing the Name Game.” I learned very early in my life that I could get recognition by being an Achiever. The more awards I won, the more top grades I received in school, the more I improved my musical talents, the more people seemed to see me as a valuable person.

This worked well for me until age 16 when I suddenly became “The Sick Girl,” and I could no longer keep up with everyone’s expectations of my being “Most Likely to Succeed.” In my senior year of high school and through my freshman year of college I struggled just to get out of bed in the morning and stay awake through classes, but I did my best to put on a front that I had it all together as usual. But by the end of my freshman year I had begun to have major health problems and could no longer stay in school.

That’s when I first noticed that I was becoming Invisible. I worked hard at improving my health and would have periods of remission where I would force myself to perform at work or at church so that I could have that feeling of being special and important. But inevitably my health would fail me again, and I would begin to feel Isolated and Abandoned by my friends and family. There were times I was out of commission for up to 6 months at a time, but I rarely had a phone call, email, or visit from any of those people I’d been trying so hard to impress.

I felt Worthless and Forgotten, like I was a “Non-person.” And as my health issues began to affect my weight, I no longer even recognized myself in the mirror. Pretty soon I was just a Fat, Sick, Depressed Person who meant very little to myself or anyone else. In the midst of a two-year downward spiral in my health and a series of events that left me feeling completely Invalidated by everyone in my life, I decided that my life was no longer worth living. And I attempted Suicide.

Despite all the difficult circumstances over the past 17 years, I always felt God’s presence and would see His hand at work in my life. I heard Him whisper loving assurances to me and would often picture Him holding me and singing over me, as in Zephaniah 3:17, “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love,he will rejoice over you with singing.”

When Kary asked us at the end of the book to picture ourselves alone before God and to imagine what name He would call us, I immediately heard God say:

I see you. I hear you. I remember you. You are precious to me.

I immediately was drawn back to Zephaniah 3:17 and discovered the name Zephaniah means “treasured by God.” That’s when He confirmed to me that the words I heard Him say all described me as His Treasure. When God looks at me, he values me as a precious treasure, of so great worth that He would never abandon, forget, or overlook me. And I don’t have to earn a list of achievements to be treasured in His eyes.