I’m 16 years-old. I just finished your book, and I felt the urge to let you know how greatly it impacted me and how wonderful God’s timing is. Here’s is my shortened story:

I grew up in a home where my parent’s fought all the time. My Dad had a horrible temper and would tip the table over, throw things, and it escalated to physical abuse to my Mom. To a point, he did physically abuse my brothers and I, but largely emotionally abused us. My Dad reinforced Christianity into us, when I was little I recited Scripture, praised God in church, and prayed.

September 2011, my Dad began acting very strange, and this strange behavior led to my family forcing him to go to the hospital. He was very angry at my Mom, and she feared for her life, so we gathered our things in ten minutes and left our home. God provided and we stayed with friends for a month and a half until my Dad agreed to move out of the house so we could come back in. During that time we found out my Dad was taking under the counter medication, and the time he had begun acting strangely he had overdosed. He was never the same again.

Up until this point, I had a very wonderful relationship with my Dad. I was a Daddy’s girl, I really loved him so much. So it crushed me to find out he had kept secrets from me. I began to deal with trust issues, all the while trying to help my Dad. He was pre-diagnosed schizophrenia and depression. He refused to go a counselor, he refused medication, even when I begged him to get help. But he refused, saying that he had done nothing wrong, he was fine, he just needed his children.

My Mom tried to reconcile with him, but because he wouldn’t receive help and he would frequently have temper tantrums that scared all of us, she filed for separation. This of course ripped my heart out. It got to the point that I couldn’t stand to be around my Dad anymore, it hurt me too much to see him like that, so I refused to see him.

While I thought this was a wise decision, I started to numb myself to emotions. I also started to self-harm because the pain inside was beginning to burst. I began to seek perfection, striving to become control my emotions as that was the only thing I felt I could control. I remember crying out to God, asking Him to please just take me away. He didn’t.

Then one night, I opened up to a friend who was also struggling and I decided to stop self-harming. I have not self-harmed since February of 2012. All the while my Dad was not getting better. I would not hear from him for weeks then I would get a Facebook message from him saying he loved me. I began to slip into a deep depression, and with self-harming taken away I could do nothing but cry and write.

One night I took out a bottle of pills and cried. I didn’t have an escape, I didn’t have anything. There was nothing left, I was empty. I felt like God was far away, I couldn’t feel Him. But then, in the very depths of my soul, I heard Him say “Live, if only for me.” I threw away the pills and promised Him I would.

My Dad began to blame me for him not getting better, he told me that if I had been with him he might be getting better. But I was starting to get better and I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t pour myself out anymore. My Mom divorced him, and we didn’t hear from him for a while.

I began seeking freedom in Christ persistently, I was obsessed with freedom. I loved God, I called him my Abba. He was my Father, He would protect me.

But then, December 1st of 2012, my Mom told me that my Dad had committed suicide. This was a heartbreaking experience, one that I never want to experience again. I remember burying my Daddy, surrounded by family members that blamed me in their hearts for his death, and I wanted to die. I couldn’t feel for a long time, and nobody seemed to understand the immense and incomparable pain. Then one day, not long after my Dad committed suicide, I was folding laundry and God whispered to my soul one word. Potential. I understood God was saying I had the potential to turn this horrible experience into something amazing, something only He could turn into something good.

I still cried at night, pleading with God to take me home. The self-harm thoughts came back full-force, but I had now promised God and my dead Dad that I wouldn’t commit suicide. I began doubting God, I mean how could a just and good God allow another human’s actions to so greatly ruin another’s life? He began to feel so far away, I didn’t feel like He cared anymore.

A friend gave me your book for Christmas, and I began to read it with half-hearted interested. But then I was captured by how inspiring your story is. God has risen above the ashes of your circumstances, He has given you a new life and a new name. I want a new name, but I am entirely and utterly lost on how to discover it. I feel like I am holding on by the tendrils of hope, I don’t know how much longer I can last.

But I want to thank you for writing this book, because just today I told God I couldn’t do it anymore. But then I picked up your book and read it, and I was filled with hope. God is going to give me a Secret Name, and with that Name hope.

Thank you so much, you have inspired me to keep going.

REGISTER HERE

5 Candles

Don’t curse the darkness, light a candle.  

Who – For youth worldwide

What – An international event to fight against the darkness of bullying, self-injury, and low self-esteem in our youth.

When – December 5th, 2012, 8-10 PM Eastern

Where – Mainly online (virtually). Youth can also host a physical 5 Candle Gathering with parents/guardians permission.

Why – We are daily reminded of the darkness overtaking our youth through bullying, self-injury, and low self-esteem. Rather than curse the darkness we have decided to light candles of hope.

How – Every youth can invite at least 4 other friends to be lights in their world and agents of change to start a revolution against the darkness. The 5 Candle event will provide free follow-up tools and resources (digitally) which will equip and empower the youth to start a revolution against the darkness. Our youth need their voices to be heard.

REGISTER HERE

This event is sponsored by YourSecretName and YouthMax. Find out more information at http://5candles.eventbrite.com The online event will include a free prayer/support hotline for those youth in pain.

REGISTER HERE

Free Downloads to promote the event:

• 5 Candles One Sheet
• 5 Candles Half Sheet
• 5 Candles Small Poster
• 5 Candles Large Poster
• 5 Candles Logo

REGISTER HERE

It’s called the Law of Sacrifice – You need to give up to go up (Thanks John Maxwell).

• Next Saturday at our Your Secret Name Conference, you could learn how to be more free.
• You could learn more about who you are and whose you are.
• You could learn more about your purpose and destiny.

But to do that, you’d have to give up something.

• Time
• Money
• Routine
• Staying Home

But most would rather not. So most people get exactly what they want – nothing. They don’t want freedom, hope, or purpose enough to invest in it. They don’t believe in themselves, enough to make a change. And so they stay the same.

If you’re willing to invest $30 and 8 hours in your future, then join us next Saturday March 3rd in Powell. And if you’re not completely satisfied I will refund your ticket, no questions asked.

Need proof that it’s worth your sacrifice? Read these 10 testimonies or watch this video.

If you’ve read Your Secret Name, then you know how God has used it to change lives. If you haven’t read it, then simply browse some of the Secret Stories to see for yourself.

We believe God wants us to gather a team in order to spread the message. And so, this is exactly what we’ve done. We’ve formed an International team and we’re growing every week. Why not consider joining us in spreading hope to those who need it most.

More about the Independent Speaker and Trainer Certification Program:

You will be certified to speak and train any individual or group anywhere in the world utilizing the Your Secret Name curriculum, products and books as outlined in the program.  (You keep 100% of the proceeds, honorariums and income you receive.)

With my birth name meaning “gift from God” and having survived a number of suicide attempts I’m inclined to think God has a special plan for me. The problem is even after thinking God has healed me and helped me conquer depression and cutter, it’s still an on going battle. The enemy brings the same attacks over and over making me feel unloved and unnoticed.

I was once called unstable when I was struggling with depression and cutting but it still rings in my head at times because of the ongoing battle. It’s like I’m stuck in between healing and not yet being that ruthless fearless faith warrior I’m meant to be. I’m still struggling with God like Jacob did, not relenting until I receive my blessing.

On the other hand I think I may be after the wrong blessing or at least one for the wrong reasons. Perhaps God is not delivering the blessing I desire because I’m not yet ready or because what I want will be a hindrance to walking with God. Whatever the reason, I know I need to trust God’s provision even though we all know it’s so easy to give in to discouragement.

My (birth) name is ____________, I currently live in Milwaukee, WI, and I am almost 29 years old. I don’t want to take up too much of your time as I am sure you get a lot of mail but I wanted to share a little of my story with you after recently obtaining a copy of your book, “Your Secret Name”. So here it goes.

I guess you could say that shortly after I received my Birth Name, I also received my first Given Name – REJECTED. My father abandoned my mother and I shortly after I was born. I did not meet him till I was seventeen, but that was short lived as he disappeared out of my life as quickly as he appeared.. only reaffirming my first Given Name.

My mother did the best she could and raised me in church. I was always the quiet, intoverted kid who wasn’t totally excluded but wasn’t totally accepted either. Sad to say, I think most people reached out to me only out of pity or some “religious obligation”. I personally accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior in 1996 but viewed God as an absent father, much like my earthly father. If the man who helped bring me into this world didn’t love me – who could an invisible being I’ve never met love me? Needless to say, I became bitter and disillusioned with God and Christianity as a whole. I felt rejected by the whole world – including people who claimed they loved me.

At the age of fifteen, I cut myself for the first time with a piece of broken glass. This would mark the beginning of a 13 year journey of self-mutilation, occultism, substance abuse, sexual immorality, violence etc. I don’t know the exact count but it is a fair estimate to say I have over 100 scars (made up of burns and cuts) on my body.

This was the life I lived in for longer than I care to remember.

It was May 13th, 2010 when I walked back into my childhood church and recommited my life back to Christ. And over the course of this year, the Lord has placed some very integral people in my life to support and encourage me along this way. It is the first time I have heard of God’s grace, His compassion, and His renewable mercies for me. I am learning to walk with Him in a relationship built upon God’s Word, Prayer, regular church attendance, and personal discipleship with my pastor/mentor.

But to say that I have not fallen into old, detestable habits would be a lie. I have not self injured in over a year, but other mental scars and fleshly habits have not been so easily overcome. Each time I fall, I rise back up – claiming the promise made in Philippians 1:6 -“…He he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

I wanted you to know that your book and your testimony have been such an encouragement to me. To know there is someone else out there who felt what I felt; walked similar paths that I walked AND overcame – it has really given me hope in my situation. Each day I pray for strength to resist – for indeed in certain areas I am weak.

Thank you for sharing your insights and your own personal journey. I hope, in time, the Lord will reveal to me my secret name – thus, revealing my true identity in Him.

P.S. I also want you to know that I have been recommending your book to everyone I know. Thank you for taking the time to read this. God bless!

Something happened today that I don’t know if I’ll be able to type out or not, but I will try. The kids are running around, screaming, but I need to attempt to get this down. I was prompted to finish a free kindle book I’d downloaded some time ago (last year maybe?). I tried and tried to get through it, and though it was super interesting, i just couldn’t. Frequent interruptions, you name it – no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get past 50%.

I picked back up yesterday and finished today. It was about finding your secret name. The one God has given everyone. I really wasn’t sure I had one…but I kept reading. About 75% in, the word, “love” was whispered to me. I was just amazed. Could that be my secret name? At first I doubted. Finally, I accepted and went with what was whispered to me. Maybe it was. I let it sink in. That is what God has been working on with me, so it made sense…but I just thought it would be an actual name.

I was so happy with my name never the less! A name picked out by God! After hearing for years and years about secret names, I finally had one. I sat in shock for quite some time, just feeling God’s love. I read the rest of the book and found out about the responsibility of having to walk in your new name. This was huge, considering God had been working on my heart for so long … trying to take my heart of stone and make it a heart of flesh and then to be given the responsibility of having to actually walk the walk…to love. Oh, it was all good in theory. Now though, it was time to ask for God’s love to work through me.

What was once impossible was now being asked of me. Honestly though, I still doubted. Did I really hear right? Was that my name? Love? could that be it? I even took out my bible…opened it and turned to nothing that made sense. Opened my pink, “real” bible, and turned to “do not test the Lord your God” (in Luke, I believe). I knew then to stop doubting, stop asking for confirmation and just believe. Just believe in His love.

I finished my time with Him, as nap time was over, feeling immensely loved and held.

A little bit later, I was washing dishes, looking out the window and a completely random name ( I guess???? wasn’t sure what it was???) came to mind. Phillina. I didn’t know what it was or meant. Not even how to spell it. Phillina? Fillina? I just knew it meant something…or so it felt like. I went to the computer and googled it…the spelling i typed in automatically was Phillina. It came back as a very, very rare name…but it was listed as Greek, and get this, the meaning is, “lover of mankind” or “loving”, depending on the website.

I nearly fell over – except i was sitting. I knew for sure, that was my name. Phillina. I started crying. It’s so beautiful…and I never saw it coming. I sat there, aware that I was in the presence of Jesus, but unable to do much more than smile through my tears. I couldn’t even find the words to pray. i can’t wait to wear my name, like it says in the bible. I guess my question was answered…and how.

It has been about 4 or 5 months since reading Your Secret Name and I did not have a name……….until Monday (memorial day) morning.

I really thought I wouldn’t get one and it really didn’t matter because I know that I love him and he loves me and that is all that matters. The best part is that when you get your name…… you know it. I wanted to share with you the revelation I had.   

I got up and decided not to wait for my friends to get back from bike riding. I took my Bible and my ipod to the beach and I was pretty much alone,  at least compared to the crowds that were there on Sat and Sun. I laid back basking in the sun and cool breeze.   I was so totally at peace.  Beautiful songs playing in my ear and scripture. I laid back to just take it all in.

The presence of the Lord filled me to overflowing and from under my sunglasses tears escaped my eyes. One of the songs was so so upbeat and I thought  “I haven’t danced for so long… and I love to dance.”    All of a sudden, in my meditation,  the Lord Jesus walked over and said  “Pauline,  you are my daughter…come, lets dance together”    And we danced!!!!!!    It was a supernatural experience,  but I danced with my beloved.    We ended up just standing gazing at the ocean and he was loving on me and I on him.     

I am  DAUGHTER!!!!!!!  

I am a changed person!!!!! I so needed that love and exchange with him and he knew exactly what I needed even though I didn’t. I cannot explain the depth of my love for my Saviour.  Hold me up in Prayer. There is more to this story. I put my house up for sale. He is moving me somewhere. Praise the Lord.
 
PS.   I even picked up my guitar and started playing,  which I haven’t done for years and years from when I used to lead worship.   
 
Hallelujah!