Posts Tagged ‘secret story’


under Secret Stories, Written on October 9, 2012

Your Secret Name Conference came to Acts church last saturday and I was only able to stay for the first three hours. This included worship and the first two sessions.


I was not expecting what I encountered that morning. Holy Spirit was moving so gently, so sweetly upon everyone’s heart… it was amazing! I realized my fear to go deep with the Lord, to really view my emotions and heart and be real with God about some things.

I always think:

“We’ve talked about this before; why would He want to hear it again?”

But I am wrong every single time. He started a deep work that morning, and I was sad to go, but also excited to venture even deeper with my God, who hates my strive to perfection without Him. I pray this conference reaches the nation. Although I know the name he has for me, the message is still necessary in my life; how much more in the man or woman who has never heard Jesus call his or her name?


under Secret Stories, Written on July 14, 2012

From Hope (found here)

Names are in can be a powerful force in our lives. So are the labels that others assign to us or we embrace ourselves.

For instance my name is Hope Harris; however Hope is not my given name.  Several years ago I chose to rename myself.  I no longer wanted to be associated with the name given to me by my parents.  Attached to it were only memories of pain and torment.  It was my way of disassociating from the pain and disowning my parents.

One of the other points of impact for me at the Exodus Freedom conference was hearing Pastor, author, and motivational speaker Kary Oberbrunner (to find out more about him click here). When I read the write up on Kary’s keynote address I was skeptical about discovering your secret name, based on a Bible verse in Revelations 2:17 “To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.”  However, my reservations were put to rest quickly as Kary began his address and had a huge impact on my life.

Kary has overcome a lot of pain in his own life and is a recovering from self-injury. Some of his opening statements were, “every name has a story and every story has a wound”   and “healing comes when we let go of what has defined us in the past and God redefines us into who he created us to be.”  As you might recall just a day earlier I had completely surrendered my sexuality to Jesus. So the later statement hit me deep within and grabbed my attention for the remainder of the address.

Towards the end of the message he had us all draw a picture of our pain that we wear like a label or in a way we identify ourselves.  I outlined my hand because our finger prints and are unique unto us.  On each finger I wrote the following words.  Pointer finger nobody’s daughter, middle finger gay, and ring finger not a woman.  On the palm I wrote abandoned and rejected.  Kary then gave us each a florescent dot to place in the most painful part of the pain.  I placed mine in the middle of the palm.  We were then asked to wait in silence to see if God revealed a new name to us.

He then instructed us to invite Jesus into the pain and then take some time to listen and see what God might say about our new names. Here is what leapt from somewhere deep within me.  First, god confirmed to me that He had placed the name Hope many years ago even though I was separated from Him.  Secondly, I felt lead to write I’m not gay on the back of the paper.  Oh yeah you know that went over like a ton of bricks and there were several minutes of internal struggle.   Was this the point of ultimate betrayal or complete obedience to the one I have been surrendering my life to piece by piece over the last three and half years.

As my friend Executive director of Living Hope Ministries (click here to find out more) Ricky Chelette says “Life is not about what you feel, what you decide.”  This was a point of blind trust and choice and with that I wrote the words “I am not gay” on the back of the paper.  We were asked to bring our art forward and tape them to the walls of the auditorium.  The wall for the remainder of the week was referred to as the Wall of Pain or the Wailing Wall.  Both equally applied.

From that point forward I have walked in obedience to not take back the label gay or lesbian as part of my identity.  In terms of sexuality no I still am not attracted to the opposite sex and I still struggle with many things surrounding my sexuality.  What has changed is attitudinal; I am at peace with completely surrendering my sexuality to Jesus.  I am living this out one day at a time and am not going to project what the future holds in terms of my sexuality or sexual attractions.

With this post, I know my friends who are pro-gay will feel as though I betrayed not only my own identity and them as well.  I can’t say I completely understand all that has transpired in the last three and half years.  One thing I am absolutely convinced of Jesus Christ and my heavenly Father are absolutely trustworthy and I can entrust every aspect of my life into their capable hands.  My friends I still care deeply for you and hold no ill will or hatred towards you.  Again this has been my personal journey to resolve my faith and sexuality.

If you would like more information on how to surrender your life to Jesus,(click here Surrender).

Your comments and questions are a welcomed addition to my blog.

The Journey continues,



under Secret Stories, Uncategorized, Written on April 15, 2012

This past year and a half has been an interesting journey for me.  From the outside I appeared very normal, dependable, calm, and easy going but inside my head I was battling a full out war……exhausting.   I finally couldn’t keep it together any more and I got ‘found out’ but to my dismay, the most devastating day in my life came and went and I was still standing.

I was filled with feelings of shame, grief and self loathing, but still standing none the less.  I am able to look back now and only be disgusted by how much time and energy I wasted and laugh at how much power and control I thought I had possessed.  God was there all the time with a gentle smile just waiting for me to cry uncle.

Through a series of events He place me where I would be surrounded by safe, loving and caring people to help guide my recovery and my discovery of how wonderful Gods grace is.  I have a magnet on my refrigerator that I love that shows a little girl standing in a wet dress with wet hair after a rain,looking upwards with her hands raised.  The caption says “just when you think you will never smile again….life comes back”.

I can’t give an inspirational prayer and I don’t speak church language very well, but I am safe and loving and filled with courage, perseverance and joy.


under Secret Stories, Video on April 5, 2011
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under Secret Stories, Written on March 10, 2011

I was once called INCAPABLE

Others took out my garbage.

Where I was lost then I was found

And my name is now


My God, Jehovah Tsur:

the Lord is my strength

And my song is

Psalm 144:4

Praise be to the LORD my rock, who trains my hands for war,

my fingers for battle.

I am WRITER for wars, hands ready to write

the sufferers’ stories,

my name

as author.

Upon death, my sunset,

I am Suffrage, not just

a right to do X,Y,Z…

but, archaically:

            a short prayer on behalf of somebody,

            especially a prayer said as part of

            a Christian litany

I am Behalf of the Everybodys

especially those who suffered

I write their stories and songs

Brittle fingers ready for battle.

Poem by Lisa Marie Brodsky Auter


under Secret Stories, Written on December 13, 2010

My friend Cheryl told me about this book I just HAD to read! So the search begins for this book by Kary Oberbrunner called “YourSecret Name”. I find it on my iBooks app on my iPhone. Oh how I love my technology sometimes!

I finish the book before my friend Cheryl, who has had it longer than I by the way, & I’m thinking to myself “Well what’s MY secret name then & who am I? Where do I fit in?” Like I haven’t wondered those last two things my whole life even though I’ve been in & out of church since childhood?

Cheryl & I discuss our thoughts on the book trying to figure out our secret names. She saw me as chosen, but it just didn’t grab me so to speak. After about a week of our asking each other daily if the other one had figured it out, I stopped mid-conversation! “Cheryl, Quick! Get me a pen & paper! I have an idea for my next picture!!” I sketch it out & then sit on it for couple of days just thinking over the book, the picture & scriptures.

On my day off work, I’m on the phone chatting with my husband. The holidays are coming & it’s a tough one this year. He has lost his mother in March & his father three years ago in October. I go to to see if I can get an idea of his secret name or just something to help him breakthrough the emotional weight bearing down on him.

I click DEPRESSED, I see HOPE….It was like a ton of bricks hitting me & then being lifted followed by warmth. Like intense realization, followed by unimaginable joy! I dropped to my knees, spilled tears of joy, raised my hands & just kept saying “I’m HOPE! That’s me!” I sat down that night next to my husband & drew the picture in color – He loves it.

The message this picture holds is this: The “given names” or black stones attempt to consume us & destroy our true identity. To keep us from God’s path for us. Once we have that awakening it’s as if we crossed a barrier, God hovering as a mist of protection & clarity showing us who we are meant to live as. Everything changes in that moment. The “secret names” are our true identity & path to live on.

Elohim has always been one of my favorite names for God & it just seems to fit as all encompassing. Hi everyone, my secret name is HOPE. My name for God is El Simchah Giyl (God my exceeding Joy). In a search to help someone I love in their emotional struggles, I found who I am…I found that my path is to bring hope to those around me. I love how God works…always whispering.

Randa Couch


under Secret Stories, Video on December 10, 2010
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under Secret Stories, Video on December 8, 2010
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under Secret Stories, Written on December 6, 2010

I find it completely fascinating to watch God work throughout my life the last few weeks. I have been struggling with various things- one of them being the masks that I (and most people) tend to wear. I was having this conversation the other day with a friend that I don’t want to wear a mask at church- or in life. Next thing I know- God is working through circumstances to show me that masks (aka labels) have often been controlling my life and affecting who I *think* I am.

Last weekend we had a Ladies Event at church and the lady who spoke shared with us the damage labels can do to a person and how when we truly come to accept Christ’s love and mercy in our lives we gain new labels of who Christ says we are. Just very needed at the time.

Then, this weekend, while at my parents’ house for Thanksgiving I spent some time reading a book that I ran across in the local Christian bookstore (Cedar Springs). The name of the book- Your Secret Name by Kary Oberbrunner. It dealt along the same vein- Names are powerful things- parents spend hours/days/weeks/months poring over names for their future children. Many times the name is picked by how it all sounds together but still other times names are chosen based on their meaning. We have given names- names that we have gained through our circumstances, through our choices. We also have Secret names- the names that God whispers to us that tell us who we REALLY are.

This book was very timely- and in fact, I actually dealt with this exact issue while I was reading the book. My given name was unloved, unworthy of love (not from my parents- I have always felt loved with them). This has been something that I have been struggling with quite some time- when I finished reading the book- I knew my secret name- and it goes back to my favorite verse- Zephaniah 3:17- I am “Delighted In“. I know that I am loved, and am worthy of love.

I would encourage everyone to read this book and recognize your Given Name(s) and then rest in your Secret Names… –Tami Grandi


under Secret Stories, Video on December 1, 2010

Thanks Canvas Coalition.