I just wanted to share a bit of the transformation that I have been experiencing over the course of these last few months. As part of working through my journey my pastor recommended that I read your book. It was really helpful for me as it helped me to wrestle with and make sense of my identity in Christ.

My pastor helped me work through a series of “exercises” as I read through your book which allowed me to take your ideas and make them real for me. I labelled myself with names both good and bad, grouped those names together, worked through the process of rooting out those names and finally with replacing the names that I put on myself with the Secret Name that God has for me.

Many of the names that I initially gave to myself were connected to my family. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic mother, a father who was oriented around maintaining control and preserving pride and a sister who became hardened by the chaos that was our household.

I kept my head above water by trying to fix everyone’s problems and focusing all of my energy on never allowing anyone outside of my family know our secret. To the world we looked pretty average, but on the inside our family was in turmoil.

About four years ago my Mom left and since then I have not had any type of a real relationship with her. I  have wanted to get in touch with her, but truthfully I have been afraid. Afraid that she would be in the same state that she was in when I last saw her. For reasons that I can only attribute to self-preservation, I have not been able to reach out to her.

Truthfully, I have allowed her addiction to define me over these past few years. I am not trusting of people, I am not open about this part of my life and I am fearful of becoming close to people because I think that they might hurt me in the same way that she did. I have allowed her problem cast a shadow across my otherwise ordinary life, it is the skeleton in my closet, the secret that I feel like I need to hide from the world.

While I was not actively contacting my Mom, she was also not contacting me and for me that is what hurt the most. And so I told myself lies: If my own mother didn’t want a relationship with me, then why would anyone else. If my own mother doesn’t love me enough to make a change, then I must not be worth it. If my own mother doesn’t love me, then I must not be lovable.

I felt: broken and above all worthless.

Despite all of this I had I grown up in the church. It’s funny because I never felt like I had a testimony. I always heard people talk about their testimony but I never felt like I “had that”.

I believe that in my past God has most definitely been at work in my life, present, faithful, loving, but in my own suffering and my own quest for self-identity I couldn’t see Him. God however, was patient with me, He continued to bless me, specifically by putting the right people along my path to ensure that I could be reminded that He was never far. After a period of trying to make life go on my own, facing challenges, being unfulfilled, scared, broken and alone.

I came to my church for about 8 months before I talked to anyone. I came and listened and worshiped and was quiet before God. I heard the message about community, to support to be supported, to encourage to be encouraged, and saw that happening but at that time I was on the fringe.

I remember having conversation with a member of the pastoral staff here about how this church has a big set of front doors. This is a church that is different, people want to come and see what is happening here. The discussion progressed to acknowledge that for young adults especially this is a church that often has a big set of back doors too a space where people can sometimes can pass through without being noticed.

Truthfully, I was on my way to the back door… after 8 months of being here I was still feeling disconnected, feeling that God wasn’t hearing my prayers, feeling maybe like it was time to check out.

I love that my church is a huge church and here is why. You have to be intentional about connecting, deliberate about buying in, purposeful about becoming engaged. It doesn’t just happen. Everyone will remain nameless and faceless if that is what you choose. Community happens not as an accident but as a choice.

So then, literally one day, I offered up a simple prayer to God in my prayer journal “God please motivate me to take chances”. Not the most articulate of prayers, not the most deeply spiritual words, no one will be rushing to embroider that on a pillow anytime soon, but that prayer represented a deep yearning within me,  a last ditch attempt for the courage necessary to lurch forward.

And here’s the thing: God provided. Every time, every opportunity, every risk that I took in the name of getting connected God was present, sometimes giving me the words to say in conversation, or the words to write on a volunteer form or the plain and simple courage to just show up.

And God didn’t just give me courage to take chances because when I spoke, people answered back, and my words became part of a conversation, relationships formed, they shared, I shared and now, I get to serve along side of them in the Body of Christ.

In my world everything changed.

My faith, my relationship with Jesus, I was changed.  Because suddenly I wasn’t in this alone. My relationship with Jesus was able to be manifested in my relationship with others. 

It would seem that God had another plan for me on my way to the back door. 

These past few months have been amazing for me with Jesus at the center of my life I have reexamined everything, my identity, my job, my salvation through grace, my experiences with suffering, my understanding and relationship with joy, and then a deep and profound calling to respond to learn to live compassionately.

I do not have to conform any longer to the patterns of this world, I am renewed. Jesus died for me – and now I get to live differently.

I love this story and for me the best part is that it it is still happening. And am I part of God’s story. We are God’s stories, these stories are still being written, the plots thickening, God is revealing Himself in our lives and above all He is showing us His love and faithfulness.

I have actually has been transformed from the inside. I believe that the best way to live is the way of Jesus, submitting myself to Jesus allowing Him to live in me and through me because the old has passed away and the new has come.

And now I know that I am worthy, whole and that I am truly and deeply loved by God.

I have been a Christian since I was 9. I know where I was sitting when I realized my need for a savior at 9. There is no doubt when the “Good Work” God is doing began!

In the conference yesterday I felt some bandages coming off my heart. I have heard it said that when Jesus called Lazarus out from the dead he told others to remove his wrappings so he could be free! I felt that I was given some new tools to use to remove my grave clothes so I can live the “full life” Christ sacrificed so much for me to be able to live.

As a lay worker in my church I am anxious to apply what I learn to the live of others. Life is tough, we do get dragged through the mud!

Some of my Given Names are…. Stutterer…Divorced…Used Up…and Poor.

I am anxious to explore that precious ancient text, God’s Word to have some new insight revealed, to see what God’s future vision is for me.

I started reading in the evening, intending to finish a chapter before bed. About 90 pages later and well after midnight, I finally was able to put it down until the next morning.

My church had a workshop on building your image on the person God made you to be, and it has been on my mind ever since. This is a blessed continuation of the journey, and I think God knew I needed a push to keep going. (OK, I don’t THINK He knew, I KNOW He knew.)

The author’s experiences are so real to those of us who, if we haven’t physically cut ourselves, have cut ourselves down to fit into labels others have given us. And we thought the labels should fit because the people who give us the labels have to know us better than we know ourselves. I felt as if Kary Oberbrunner was talking directly to me.

I grew up as I am certain many have with names that were not who Jesus called me to be. The Lord grabbed a hold of me and over the last three years has so delicately removed many of the labels I had stamped on me as a child.

I am very grateful that He so gently placed me in Jeremiah 29:11-14 for such a long season of nearly a year, so that i might truly gain a fuller understanding of how the things that happened are past and today I have a hope and expectation. He is teaching me to Overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of Testimony.

I have heard this is my year of definition and your thoughts, story, and life seem to be a part of this process for me.

Be blessed in all you do,

Overcoming False labels / Stepping into Genuine Identity/Nobility

I spent my whole life looking for something, not knowing what it was. That elusive ‘thing’ or  ‘state of being’ always seemed just out of my reach. Every time I thought I had been close to capturing it, it eluded me once more. Every attempt to ‘do the right thing’ left me empty. Empty until now.

I became a Christian over 25 years ago and I know that was the most important decision I will ever make. I knew I had been saved. I had a new found faith and the Bible suddenly became so alive and real. God has moved in my life, bringing healing, deliverance and hope. But I was still searching for that one thing that eluded me…even though I could not put a name to it.

Then a couple of weeks back I became aware of the book ‘Your Secret Name’. I was drawn to it. I can’t remember how I first came to know about it. I just knew I had to read it. At the same time I was about to purchase another book, ‘Called to Conquer’, which spoke of finding ones’ calling. As I had to order ‘Your Secret Name’, I decided to read ‘Called to Conquer’ first.

Upon reading ‘Called to Conquer’, I was left with more questions than answers. Trust me when I say, that was a good thing! Soon after finishing that book, my copy of ‘Your Secret Name’ arrived and I got straight into it, devouring it page by page, hardly being able to put it down. It seemed to carry on the theme of the previous book, which I thought was quite amazing. I came to the end of reading ‘Your Secret Name’ felling a little distraught. I still hadn’t found the answer I was looking for, though I knew the book had nudged me in the right direction.

As I neared the end of the book the website was mentioned and I thought to myself, “It ain’t over yet!” I proceeded to navigate the website, completing the test with little satisfaction. Then I decided to have a look at the stories. That’s when it all began. I read of one woman’s journey to finding her secret name that had me glued to the page till I had finished reading.

The title she had chosen was one I identified with, having been there myself. As I ventured into the depths of her story I also identified with the names she had known. As my eyes began to well up with tears, I realised God was in this big time. My God had not forgotten me after all. And though I didn’t find identity in the same secret name, I knew that I was closer than ever to finding my own.

As I pondered my recent experience, I sensed God placing these words on my heart, “From rejection to acceptance”. I knew these words were either the title of a book or something to do with it’s theme, so I began some research. I found the name of the book and set about purchasing it.

While in the bookstore, I became quite concerned – to the state of feeling let down, because I could not find the book. After some time the shop keeper came over asking if they could help me find something. I responded with a resounding “Yes!” and they proceeded to show me a shelf where all the books by the author I was seeking were arranged.

As soon as I set eyes on the shelf, the book I sought stood right before me. I picked it up and staring at the cover read these words:

“To the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the beloved”. (Ephesians 1:6 NKJV Emphasis added).

The word ACCEPTED hit me right between the eyes. THAT was my secret name!  I knew that I was accepted by God, but wondered why this seemed to be so significant. I read the book cover to cover expecting God to speak to me.

Not until the very end of the book did God speak volumes. There I found a prayer of commitment. This spoke not only of God’s acceptance, but of accepting myself the way He made me. It was at this point that I realised I had believed all the lies – the names I had been given: REJECTED, OUTCAST, UGLY, FAILURE, to name a few. I had accepted God and believed that He had accepted me, but I had yet to accept myself.

That was the missing piece in the puzzle. No wonder I had no peace. Everything seemed to converge at this point. My past and all I’ve been through now made sense. Having chosen to accept myself as God does, I can now move on into the promises and future He has for me.

As He has done for me, I pray He will do for you. So please, don’t ever give up – God will never give up on you!

Carol Kuck, Nancy Stults, (a number of other volunteers) and Kairos Prison Ministry took Your Secret Name behind the bars of a Women’s Prison in Marysville, OH. Here’s what Carol said:

Watching and listening to the reactions of over 240 incarcerated women was amazing!  They were awe-struck when they received as something simple as a book.

The residents were shocked to hear that, for perhaps the first time, their identity – their Given Names – were a product of the world, lies from Satan.  What a BLESSING to realize (from Scripture) that’s not what God calls us believers.  He has a far better name for each of us – a Secret Name – that He wants us to claim. 

As residents came to us throughout the day, we saw faces with smiles, some with tears streaming down their cheeks…and we heard:

“I already know my secret name – He calls me BELOVED!”

“A name has been running around in my head for months.  I just realized on Saturday that God was calling me by my Secret Name – HIS BRIDE!”

“I’m called REDEEMED!  It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Justified!” she joked with me as she shook my hand, a smile bigger than all outdoors on her face.

“Do you think my secret name could really be BLOOD BOUGHT?  That’s what He just told me!”

 Still others said:

“Please, would you pray that God gives me a name to replace murderer and bad mother?”

“How long will it take for God to give me a new name?”

“Why does no one love me?  I don’t think I matter to anyone but God….”

 But my favorite: A women stood in front of me.  She asked if she could show me something, then she handed me a torn piece of paper with over 25 horrific names written in pencil.  She pointed to the 3^rd one down and told me, “This one my grandmother started calling me when I was 5.” 

“The name was TRASH.”

  As she started to cry, she told me God had just told her the truth, she was now MY SPECIAL CHILD. 

Of course I cried.  She comforted me with a hug and these words, “It’s OK.  I’m OK now.  You don’t have to cry for me.”

In KAIROS we close each reunion and retreat with the song Surely The Presence of God Is In This Place.  He always is – but He manifested Himself this past Saturday through the book Your Secret Name, gifted in part by special donations and in love by Grace Church and some other compassionate souls.  On behalf of KAIROS and the 240 incarcerated women who were recipients of your love, THANK YOU!  You were there with us!

Thanks for your prayer and support. Your energy helped many of these women realize they are more than the crimes they committed.

I wasn’t expecting such confirmation in reading this book!  God has been moving me along the road to understanding my Given Names…not the nice, socially acceptable ones I have worn all these years…(“merry sunshine, problem solver, peace maker“) but the flip side to those names, the ones that took a toll on my soul (unimportant, last and least, invisible, burdened and lonely). 

It still stops me dead in my tracks to have this book presented to me at this particular time…after all, I had been comfortable accepting my Given Names without ever really looking at what they cost me. I know that is not the case for many, their Given Names are overtly, clearly, hurtful and degrading. 

Thank you for bringing this to me at this particular time….or should I say thank you for listening to God directing you at this particular time.  I am praying that many lives will be touched and transformed through this book.

Your book was very well written, very interesting, and very insightful.  It opened my eyes up to not only your story, but the story of Jacob and the stories (or possible stories) of those all around me. 

As I take more time to listen to people now, and let them talk, waiting through the long pauses, I find that all people are struggling in some way.  There are very few people who are content, fulfilled, satisfied in their walk with God, and excited about what is next. 

I think that the older I get, the more God continues to mold me to be more gracious and understanding towards others. 

I think I have been on somewhat of the same journey these past few years; the journey of truly finding out my role in this story God is unfolding in front of all of us.  Just before I read your book (and this is kind of the cool part), God had been chiseling on me in many areas of my life and showing me my ‘secret name’. 

I believe that mine is close what my given name means, “Healed”.  Jason means “Healer”and I beleive that God has been at work in me to heal me from my life full of sin and mistakes and also healing me from the cuts and bruises from others. 

He has also shown me that just like physical healing, I can do NOTHING to speed up the process; instead, I must REST in the power and care of God, trust that He knows best in every area, and patiently wait for him to strengthen me again.  He has, and continues to do so.  Now I find that my desire is to be used of God to help bring healing to the lives of others, to broken relationships, and to hopeless situations. 

I find myself now, more than ever (and even after the most difficult year of all with leaving behind all that I was), excited about life, satisfied in Christ, fulfilled in Him, content with what he has given me, and free to follow God.  I feel like the training wheels and the cast was finally taken off and I can now ride like the wind.
 
I love what God has revealed to you.  Keep on encouraging others with it.  I am excited with where God has brought you and the influence which you have in the lives of so many.  I trust that God will be glorified in and through you.

I am so blessed to have heard you on Stephanie Riggs yesterday. I struggled with my name as a child and at 30 changed my birth name Stacy. I have been Anastasia now for over 20 years and came to know Jesus as Savior 5 years after changing it. I have learned what it is to have a new name and live the resurrection that He gave me. I wish everyone could get it. I thought it was identity but you have narrowed it down to name. It is why psychology does not work. They just add more labels to us. Thank you for a better understanding.

I think that sin gives us names as well. When we give in to temptation the accuser calls us every name in the book.

My family used my given name against me, I still cringe with what they called me, but Jesus said to be his disciple. I had to listen to His voice and yes I am His. I’m called child, daughter, beautiful, bride, little girl, beloved, blood bought.

Thank you again. I am buying your book!

In the Beloved,

~Anastasia~

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